Breaking up is never easy, I know...

I've never really been through a break up before. Oh, there was this girl at school, blonde and pretty. I liked to pretend she was a dead ringer for ABBA's Agnetha. Funnily enough, we went on a date to see ABBA The Movie. There's class for you. But she had a tall and hunky boy after her, and he threatened me and told me to back off. I did so quite willingly. Mainly because I was scared of him, as he was six foot and I was five. He would have made mincemeat of me. But also, because...I fancied him more than her to be honest.

But today I had a sort of break up. A guy I met online, then met in real life, who is married but in an open relationship. We hit it off big time. The chemistry is electric. But I am not in an open relationship, and he doesn't want anything involving commitment because his wife might feel threatened. So a dead end. Complicated? you bet. See? ABBA were right. Breaking up really isn't easy. Not that there is much to break up. Shame though, as we had so much in common.

Ridiculously, this has really knocked me sideways. He sent and long message outlining how things stood and reading between the lines I could see he was setting me free. So I replied in clear terms - no worries and thanks for the friendship - but this is where the story ends; this is goodbye.

Unfortunately this happened on a day full of other challenges. And so my first real possible gay love came to nothing.

Perhaps it's as well. Tonight I want to forget the whole thing. I want to stay married, and not be gay. Especially not be gay.

Trouble is... I am.